Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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