We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
