she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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