Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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