The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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