I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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