This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
