I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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