There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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