If that was your dad, he is hot
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize