I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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