I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
