I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
