Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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