I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize