did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
