if you like me you must not know who I am
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
nutella sex= disaster
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
