WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
