I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
