i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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