driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
