What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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