The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
