someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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