i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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