I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I understand Curling. That high.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
