Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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