Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
