I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
