Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
