i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
