if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
