Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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