yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
