Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My penis needs a shock collar
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
