I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
