I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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