..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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