i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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