If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
