1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
