So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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