What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize