Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I won the penis lottery.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
