Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
