My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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