She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
