Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
