Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize