I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
