Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
