I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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