forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's the barista slut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize