Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize