Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
