You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
