Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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