Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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