It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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