so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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