You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
