I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
