i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize