batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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