there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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