i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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